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Thursday, 29 March 2012

Putting Things off!

We are doing some really interesting work on treatment for anxiety and depression and recently we have been looking at safety behaviours - the sort of strategies people use to cope with their rising anxiety levels.  These ‘safety behaviours’ work in the short term by lowering the anxiety levels but cause problems in the long term because the root problem has not been dealt  thus increasing the underlying worry and anxiety. Recognition of a feeling of ‘stuckness’ or of a vicious cycle being played over and over, is often the reason given by a person coming to counselling.


This subject interests me because I am finding myself really procrastinating over the last pieces of work needed to complete my MSc.  I am managing to find everything else to do to avoid doing getting stuck into working properly on my Personal Development Project – my final 8000 word piece in which I have so little interest or engagement. 

....but I am not the only one struggling!  In a straw poll in the Enquiry Unit these are some of the ways my colleagues find to distract, avoid and put off the important:
  • Moan to as many people as possible to get lots of sympathy for the horrors of the task
  • Read the horoscopes of all the people you know and try to work out how it may affect your life as well
  • When the dog looks at me like that I just have to take him for a walk immediately
  • The builder hides my stuff and thinks it’s funny
  • Adhere to the motto “Tidy space – tidy mind” and hang up all the clothes left lying around in the spare room
  • Eat – just anything as long as it talks a long time to prepare
  • Facebook updating becomes a priority
  • Planning the next holiday consumes hours of comparing prices, hotel facilities and local weather patterns
  • While having the radio on in the background, if a new song comes on, I must do internet research for the full lyrics and history
  • It’s time for the gym – now!
  • Rearrange the bookshelves.  This could be by alphabetical order,  genre, spine colour, scaled from favourites to least favourites, size - tallest to smallest


Arranging books by design

Arranging books by colour
  • Ditto for DVD collection 
  • Choose a book completely different to the one you were meant to read then get so engrossed you need to finish it
  • Make lots of unnecessary cakes every day for colleagues in the enquiry unit including spending extra time to ice and decorate them 
  • Cleaning the most unnecessary places that would never be cleaned otherwise eg the back of the wardrobe, skirting boards or the oven.


Why do we procrastinate?  T Powell (2000) writes that it ‘often amounts to deliberately avoiding having to confront our fears.  Proscrastination flourishes in two optimal conditions.  First: when the task is not urgent – we do not have to do it right now- there is time to do it in te future.  Second: when there is something more pleasurable to do now.  Procrastination is usually about putting pleasure before pain’.

He gives seven reasons for it:

  1. Lack of a sense of Mastery:  You believe that successful people achieve their goals easily – without all your doubts and frustrations so instead of sticking with it, you give up in despair.  Because successful people have this sense of mastery and believe that there will be a tough and frustrating struggle to achieve their goals, when they meet challenges, they keep going because they expect them. 
  2.  Assumption that you have to be in the mood: Procrastinators think that they have to be in a particular mood to tackle a task.  Actually there are some things for which you will never be in the mood.  Successful people tend to put action above motivation and find that once they get going the sense of accomplishment spurs them on to do more. 
  3. Fear of failure: Leaving the task to the last minute gives you the excuse to say” I didn’t have time to do it properly” thus protecting you from the reality of realising that your best effort is not good enough.  If you are a perfectionist, you may think that you don’t want to start unless you can do it properly (read ‘perfectly’) otherwise you will feel like a failure. 
  4.  Fear of rejection or intimacy: You may put off inviting people around or making that phone call to avoid the possibility of being rejected. By procrastinating you can keep a safe emotional distance to avoid revealing yourself to others. 
  5. Fear of Success: If you do it well, you may draw attention to yourself or create more work for yourself. 
  6. Getting back at somebody: If you are feeling bossed around or coerced into doing something you by procrastinating you are indirectly expressing your anger and rebellion 
  7. Lack of commitment: It could be you simply don’t consider the task important enough to bother with or else you may think you would prefer to do something else more pleasant or interesting.

Beneath some of these reasons that may seem rather superficial at first may be quite deep rooted beliefs we hold about ourselves that drive our actions – or in this case inaction. If the habit of procrastination is so serious that it causes life to become unbearably stressful, and /or relationships seriously affected, it may be time to explore it in more depth with professional help and support.  The student counselling service and the mentorship programme may be able to help.


In researching procrastination as a way of not doing my project, I found some wonderful web sites. These are two of them.

Structured Procrastination is a beautifully written tongue in cheek essay written by quite a high achieving procrastinator who started his piece with the following quote:
``. . . anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment." -- Robert Benchley, in Chips off the Old Benchley, 1949

When you are already feeling anxious about impending deadlines, guilty that you are wasting so much time and rubbish because you are depriving yourself of doing lovely things ‘until that blasted paper is written’, it doesn’t help to have people saying ‘Just sit down and do it.  I don’t know what your problem is.’  This next site is a lovely gentle explanatory article that may help you understand what your particular difficulties are and help you feel less of a horrible person!


Sources:

Procrastinator cartoon: http://www.sermonators.com

Monday, 26 March 2012

Too many celebrations!





I am starting to get rather overwhelmed with so many things to celebrate lately.  After getting married last weekend, I scarcely had time to recover when it was St Patrick’s Day followed by Mother’s day and my Kate’s birthday.

My Wedding Day
My maternal grandfather was Irish, the oldest of 13 children.  He and his three brothers left school very early with no qualifications and even less prospects in a very economically depressed Ireland.  As young men they set sail for Canada where they were allocated land by the government and created a farm from the wilderness.  However, my grandfather Tom found the Canadian weather exacerbated his chest problems so he packed up and set off for California.  That was in 1906 and soon after arriving in San Francisco, the city was devastated by a huge earthquake.  Although he had so little, he lost it all.  After helping in the rescue operation, he took various other jobs including lumberjack, and gardening work but with itchy feet, he decided to set sail once again.  He arrived in New Zealand to a letter from his mother which had taken almost two months to reach him from Ireland.  She wrote that as he was in the area, he may as well keep going to Melbourne where he could meet up with an old family friend who may help him find work.  He took the advice, went for tea with the family and ended up marrying Sylvia, the daughter.  That was years later; first he moved up to the country where he became a pioneer in the fruit industry, building an orchard from scratch.  It was only when he could afford to build a house that he could ask for Sylvia’s hand. So that is how I ended up eligible for an Irish passport and with a love of Guinness! 

Guinness beer drinkers
As soon as Tom’s brothers had made enough money in Canada, they went back to Ireland to collect their almost destitute mother and sister to care for them back in Canada. Each St Patrick’s Day I think of my grandfather Tom and his brothers who worked so hard to lift themselves from a life of poverty.
…but that is not the end of the story of my family’s itchy feet! My father’s father Bert was an Englishman, born in Rochester down the road from our Medway campus.  He travelled to America where he met my future grandmother, Alice, in Oregon. She came from French and Danish stock and made quite an impression on him as she stood 5’11” with her extraordinary strawberry blond hair and an outspoken manner . To the consternation of polite society, they eloped when she was 19 and he fifteen years older.  Bert was an engineer, specialising in equipment for the burgeoning canning industry and his work took them to Japan and Alaska so that he could develop machines for the salmon fishing industry.  My uncle was born in Alaska.  A few years later the family was in New Zealand en route to Australia when Alice gave birth to my dad in a rooming house near Auckland. That makes four different nationalities in one family! Once she was well enough, the family travelled to Australia where Bert looked for an engineering job in the fruit canning industry.  This is how Tom the orchardist, who sent his fruit to the cannery, met Bert the engineer.  By now Tom and Sylvia had three sons and two daughters and the families became very close, with the children attending the same schools and the boys playing together on the orchard at weekends.  Years later the second world war ended, Tom and Sylvia’s beautiful daughter Ruth fell in love with Bert and Alice’s handsome naval officer son Dick and they married. They had a son and five daughters.  They named their second daughter Alice – that is me.

I have always been so proud of my mixed heritage and the pioneering spirit of my family and I get to celebrate all the national days so Happy belated St Patrick’s day!

I spent Mothers’ Day in West Sussex helping Kate with her 30 km endurance ride.  I’d describe it as rally driving but on four legs instead of wheels with no brakes and a horse, called Val, with a mind of his own.  It involved Kate riding through different sorts of terrain, fording streams and thundering up and down hills. My role was to work with her boyfriend  to meet at the check points with supplies of Kate feed and horse feed then take lots of photos.

Kate takes a pit stop
 In between navigating down various country lanes getting very confused by the dodgy instructions, we managed to fit in breakfast  and decent coffee between the first two refuelling stops and a half pint of the local bitter in the aptly named White horse pub  between the next two – all very civilised! We all had a lovely day out but I had forgotten how much mud there is in the country.  The car needed a thorough muck-out afterwards. 

We had our tri-celebration with chocolate cake and bubbly then it was off back to civilisation and pending course work deadlines.  Unfortunately my computer blew up and had to go off to the IT hospital so I am anxiously awaiting news of the patient and am feeling rather bereft. Luckily we still have some wonderful leftovers from our wedding so if things get too tough we still have plenty of bubbly!

The Spoils!
I dug out my old lap top that I last used a year ago.  It took about three days to do all the updates and nearly drove me up the wall.  Time was ticking past and I was due to submit the first draft of my personal development  project on the Tuesday.  I managed to cobble something together and aplogise for the poor quality of it with a promise to my tutor that I would be head down and focussed all Easter!

Sources:  Mothers’ Day  - http://ehdmi.co.uk/2010/05/hd-gadet-for-the-mothers-day
                 St Patricks Day – http://st-patricks-day.funmunch.com/
                 Guinness - http://www.motifake.com/63311   


Thursday, 15 March 2012

Down to earth with a bump!

Source: http://www.zazzle.co.uk/tee_welcome_back_to_earth_business_card-24037505473566845 

Well dear reader, I don’t know how Elizabeth Taylor managed to go through it 7 times – getting married is exhausting!  I am now walking around like a zombie trying to get back to normal. Yesterday I was back at work in the Enquiry Unit fortified with a double shot expresso from the Student Union shop - the best coffee on campus  - but it still took me until lunch time to wake up properly. We all had a treat afternoon tea though.  I still owed for my cake fine* so I brought in the leftover chocolate and hazlenut cake accompanied by Cornish clotted cream and cream fraiche. Jess, our boss, remarked that I have now raised the stakes for future cake fines! Today I am meant to be reading up on the narcissistic personality ready for college this afternoon.  The words are going into my head then flying straight back out again so I have given up.  Writing my blog is much more fun!

Source: www.CartoonStock.com
It feels a bit like the olden days when you took photos and then sent them off to the developers and waited anxiously for a week to collect them and see how they all turned out.  I have no pictures of Saturday, not even one of the dress.  I'm sure some of our guests will send us some and then I will put one up for you.

We had a lovely day once the ceremony was over.  That was completely nerve wracking although it lasted only about fifteen minutes.  It is one thing to whisper sweet nothings into your loved one’s ear in private but quite another to have to say extremely personal sounding vows in front of lots of people. We are not very good at being the centre of attention and were very relieved when it was all over.

Half an hour later we were back home where we were joined by a few other people and then had a wonderful afternoon and evening with great friends, lots of bubbly and delicious food. We had only invited twenty people so everyone had time to talk to everyone else and move around inside and outside. The weather was perfect and because it was a daytime event, we were sound asleep by 11.30pm – ideal for us early risers! Sunday was a lovely quiet and sunny day when we went for a walk in Greenwich Park where the great swathes of daffodils are beginning to bloom.

Now the house is filled with flowers in every room – even the loo!  I feel like a film star – what could be better? 

*If your mobile goes off in the Enquiry Unit you have to bring in cake for all the staff.  If you leave it too long it gets converted to a pizza fine!  My phone went off last week when I had forgotten to put it on silent.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Leaplings and knot tying


A very happy birthday to all those leaplings celebrating their birthdays for the first time in four years.  I hope the pressies are huge and the fizz flowing in spectacular style!


Did you know that February 29th is known as an intercalarity day? It is also meant to be the day that women can propose to eligible potential mates.



Speaking of proposals, him-at-home and I will be celebrating our nuptials on March 10th. It will be very low key with all my stress and angst kept for my coursework and essay deadlines.


Kate came up from West Sussex on Sunday to sort me out with a suitable outfit and I swear she has turned into a fearsome honey badger!


First she supervised my makeover in a large department store. She issued the following instructions:
“Make sure that  Mum doesn’t end up looking like:  
  •  it’s been trowelled on”.
  • orange
  • Amy Winehouse”


She took extensive notes and a multitude of photos so she could replicate the look on the day.

We then headed off for my ‘fashion consultation’.  Everyone knows that jeans and boots are my default outfit complimented by my biker jacket and helmet. You can imagine how apprehensive I felt as Geraldine, the fashion consultant, showed us into a fitting room with plush curtains and cushions, a chaise lounge and floor to ceiling mirrors.

I had decided not to be particularly bothered – if I couldn’t find anything, I still had my Christmas dress which I had only worn twice.  However after, after being mistaken for the mother-of-the- bride and presented with an outfit in black and white polka dots, with cream jacket suitable for attending a local race meeting, I was ready to run screaming for my familiar territory - the skinny jeans section in M&S.  However Honey Badger calmed me down, and after giving poor Geraldine the full list of nos...

  • No big fat fluffy meringues
  • No tiaras
  • No sparkles
  • No frills and flounces
  • No white or cream
  • No tiny floral prints
  • No cleavage

...marched off with her.  They returned 10 minutes later with the perfect dress – a lovely above the knee Spring number that will be perfect for lots of different occasions.  As a poor student, I was delighted to discover it was 25% off the original price – quite a bionus!  Then it was time for the shoes – another problem area, so we had to fortify ourselves with coffee and cake first.  My feet are size 8 and I don’t know why shoe shops have to treat anyone taking over a size 7 as a freak or a giant. It was bad enough growing up with a big sister, serenading me with “Your feet’s too big”!  



Five minutes into my rant to an unsuspecting shop assistant half my height blessed with minute feet, Kate dragged me out, calmed me down and apologised to the poor woman.  As we entered the next shop, she sat me down, banned me from talking to anyone and went to sort things out.  We ended up finding THE shoes and happily headed home to a wonderful roast dinner cooked by a serene him –at-home very glad to have had nothing to do with our big adventure.

...so – there we are – my entire outfit sorted in an afternoon.  Now for the food!  Wanting quite a low key event, we thought the easiest thing would be to pop next door from the registry office and enjoy the economical delights of the local hospital canteen with its lovely views over the local park.  Unfortunately honey badger put the dampeners on that so we are having to go a bit more upmarket!
Anyway that’s enough of frivolities - 10 days to go now but only six to get my case study finished and submitted!




Monday, 27 February 2012

Orchids, Etymology, Essays and Other Essentials

Last weekend I travelled to my daughter Kate’s place in West Sussex on Sunday to celebrate Jack’s and my birthdays which fall 5 days apart.  We were thoroughly spoilt with wonderful food, and my love of flowers and plants was completely indulged by a stroll in the local Petworth Park and lots of floral gifts. My kitchen now resembles a flower shop with a corner filled with beautiful orchids, spring narcissi and a bright red amaryllis in all its overblown glory.  The bright yellow cheery Daffodils and Narcissi are very special to me as they remind me of Jack and Kate’s births in February and March and herald the end of the greyness of winter.

My birthday corner

We amused ourselves on the drive down by my reading extracts from my birthday book that has become my new addiction.  The Etymologicon is subtitled ‘A circular stroll through the hidden connections of the English Language’. Written by Mark Forsyth, it is based on his wonderful blog The Inky Fool.  The preface to his book sets the tone where he recounts his experience with an unsuspecting victim who, while eating a biscuit, happened to wonder out loud about the origins of the word biscuit.  After regaling his victim with his etymological findings, the poor man was left begging for mercy and Mark’s family began to investigate the financial implications of his admission to a secure unit.  A blog was a far cheaper option and so The Inky Fool was born.
If you have ever been kept awake at night pondering such weighty questions as:
  •  What is an antanaclasis and is it catching? 
  •  Why does the proof lie in the pudding or the worm turns?
  • How serious is it to be affected by wamblecropt?
 …then this book and blog is for you. http://blog.inkyfool.com
I am lucky that Cherie is nearby so that I have a fellow enthusiast to wax lyrical with.  Everyone else just glazes over and consigns us to the Enquiry Unit’s pedants’ corner.

Consigned to the Pedants’ corner

I have now had my first piece of third year work back and I am pleased with my mark and feedback.  This was my first submission since my final second year submission in May 2010 so I felt rather rusty with my academic writing.  A master’s programme is very different to an undergraduate degree where there are lots of essays to submit regularly throughout the year.  Our course includes clinical work and case presentations.  In third year we have two case studies to submit. We need several weeks of clinical work on a case within that year so our first case study is due in early March and the second in April. In one of my placements clients can be seen for up to twenty four weeks and in the other, up to twelve. With cancellations, illness and holidays, it can take several more weeks to complete the required number of sessions with a client. Having started my placements in late September, I am now beginning to discharge clients and to be able to step back and look at the cases as a completed piece of work.  I find that really interesting and quite satisfying.  I had one client who came for the first session and then rang the charity to say s/he did not want to come again.  I found it quite difficult and frustrating not to know any more and I had to remind myself not to take it personally.  Other clinets have difficulty with ending the work and will stop attending before the final sessions, leaving me with a feeling of work incompleted.  These are only two of the many issues important to explore and is the reason we have supervision.  We spend an hour for every eight clinical hours sitting with the supervisor, going through our case work discussing any difficulties and exploring different ways of working.  It is an incredibly useful time and I really look forward to it. I find my clinical work absolutely fascinating in the same way I loved my clinical midwifery work . There is always so much to learn and all counsellors working ethically will have regular supervision.  Even our tutors, who all carry clinical caseloads, have supervision and talk with great enthusiasm of the insights and support gained during this precious time.

…as my mother would say “Two heads are better than on, even if they’re sheep’s heads” – but… she is Australian.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Wolves, Arrows and an Important 30th


It’s a very busy week for festivals.  While you are busy practising your pancake making in preparation for Shrove Tuesday, and now you have finished posting your ‘Be My Valentine’ cards you can buck the trend and catch the tail end of the Festival of Lupercalia.

 

Celebrated from February 13 to 15, this ancient pastoral festival is thought to have originated in Ancient Greece and was meant to avert evil spirits and purify the city, releasing health and fertility. The name comes from the Greek word Lukos and the Latin Lupus meaning wolf.   It superseded the festival of Februa, an even more ancient spring cleansing ritual held on the same date, which gave the month of February its name.  It was celebrated up to the 5th century although less and less until the Christian Pope Gelasius finally abolished it as a pagan abomination.  Wikipedia credits  Plutarch with describing it thus:

Lupercalia, of which many write that it was anciently celebrated by shepherds, and has also some connection with the Arcadian Lycaea. At this time many of the noble youths and magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy.
In Ancient Rome the festival started outside the cave where the legendary founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus lived with the she-wolf who suckled them until they could fend for themselves – hence the wolf connection.

Some believe that Valentine’s day was turned into a festival to replace the Lupercalia but others dismiss this idea totally.  Originally known as St Valentine’s Day, it was a religious festival with various contenders for the saint until the 14th century poet Chaucer published his poems about courtly love and by the 15th century it was well established in its present form.  Then in 1969  the Catholic church removed it as a saint’s day from the church calendar because there was no clear contender for the honour.  

...actually I wonder whether it would be such a good idea to resurrect the tradition  of Lupercalia around our uni campus after all.  The rugby club does not need any more ideas for rowdy behaviour!

...and to end this blog I have to say Happy Birthday to my son Jack who turned 30 on Valentine’s day.  It was bad enough when my youngest sister turned 30 but it is completely outrageous when my son does it!  It seems only yesterday he was a tiny 3lb bundle who arrived ten weeks early.  He was in a rush to be an Aquarian rather than a bullish Taurean.  He rang me saying how none of his friends were interested in his birthday as they were all too busy being romantic and that it was very inconvenient that I had arranged things in this way.  I had to remind him that he has disrupted my Valentine Days for the last thirty years!


*...and to those sharp eyed readers – yes I did make a mistake and think it was this Tuesday but – heh - it does mean that you have an extra week to practise your tossing!

Friday, 10 February 2012

Of Pancakes and Apostrophes

It’s time to hone those pancake making skills ready for Pancake Day on Tuesday!  I have a special recipe for little drop pancakes that are delicious all year round.  You can keep the mixture in the fridge for a few days and just make them as you need.


I am not very good with too much dairy so this is a milk and butter free recipe – still very yummy so have a go!

INGREDIENTS
*2 cups of plain flour
*3 teaspoons of baking powder
#1 ¾ cups orange juice
#1/3 cup olive oil
#1 egg


Step 1 









Sift * ingredients in one bowl.  Put # ingredients in another and mix together



Step 2 













Combine the two and mix well



Step 3










In a frying pan put a small amount of oil just to grease the bottom of the pan and heat up until it is quite hot but not enough to have it smoking.
Put dessert spoon - size blobs  of  the mixture into the oil and  wait until the bubbles rise to the surface  and then pop.
Turn them over - they should be a lovely golden brown colour.  Briefly cook them on the second side then remove with a spatula onto a plate.



Step 4 











Serve with either jam, honey, golden syrup maple syrup (if you are feeling rich!), marmalade or whatever else you fancy.

You can do all sorts of variations:
Add chopped up dried cranberries or other dried fruit, use wholemeal flour instead of white or add bran for texture.  I’ve tried different fruit juices but orange seems to be the best.

Then – eat and enjoy!  If you don’t want to cook all of the mixture immediately, just store it in a sealed container in the fridge.  It seems to be fine for up to three days.










…and while you are sitting there enjoying your pancakes you can ponder on the great Greengrocer Apostrophe problem endemic in our society today.


Cherie, my Enquiry Unit buddy, and I get rather upset when written English is mangled by an excess of apostrophes.  You could only imagine our horror when we found a document on the university internal portal system advising us about ‘diploma’s’!.  As I read through the document I was shocked to find three more unnecessary apostrophes.  After being sufficiently revived by Cherie, I set out to draw this to our supervisor’s ( I will refer to him as Steve) attention. It resulted in the following email exchange:

Alice:
 Cherie and I are very upset about the excessive and incorrect use of apostrophes in this document - especially as it is about literacy!

Steve: 
Thank’s for bringing this mistake’s to my attention.

Alice:
Oh dear Steve - I now need smelling salts and an early lengthy lunch to re-establish my composure......
 ...and Cherie does too!!

sent from Alice's email ( note correct use of apostrophe)

Steve:
I have hi lighted you’re mistake’s below:

Alice:
Oh dear Jo - I now need smelling salts and an early lengthy lunch to re-establish my composure......

...and Cherie does too!!

sent from Alice's email ( note correct use of apostrophe)


Alice
....aaahhhhhhh.  That is not a mistake!!!!!

Steve:
This is silly. I am joking. I do know when to use apostrophe’s.


Alice:
I really think your best course of action may be to avoid  's' at the end of any word and be done with it.....
Luckily your  's' is the beginning of your name!
You could start by pluralising everything with an i!

Steve:
Thank’s for the advise.

Alice:
You are - or to abbreviate in a grammatically correct manner, you're - very welcome!

 Steve:
Okay, now your just splitting heirs.

Alice:
Not only are you continuing to mangle our splendid English language but you now want me to harm my children.  What next?


…and don’t even get us started about the use of American spellings of such words as programme, colour, recognise, apologise, grey, centre, plough and honour.  We live in England for goodness sake and English came first!